Ceremony for the receiving of a Postulant into the OPIThis rite is best performed when the Aspirant becomes a Postulant and Cracks the Habit.
It goes back to the sixth century, to the Dedication of Virgins in a Convent and has feudal elements (in the entering led by the fingers).
The Postulant is led in by the Sister of Postulants and the Sponsoring Sister. Each Postulant is covered by a white veil and will be soon habited by the Sisters. The little finger is held by the Sister of Ps and the index finger by the Sponsoring Sister.
Postulant Sister: Mother, we present to you - Postulants N & M who crack the habit this night.
Mother: We welcome these Postulants who have felt the call of the OPI.This is the blissful night when they will crack the habit and right crackers they are too. Postulants are a joy to the Order and each must have a protecting Sponsoring Sister to minister to them and make sure they get their share of whatever is going on down.
The Postulant spends three months in preparation and manifests at least three times with the Sisters. And then will receive the joy of becoming a Novice Sister.
Sisters, will you receive the Postulants?
Sissies: We welcome the Postulant crackers.
Mother:We dedicate you to the Order of Perpetual Indulgence. The Postulant has the heavy task of learning the lore and learning of the Order, which should take you all of two phrases - spreading perpetual joy through indulgences and manifestations, and removing stigmatic guilt.
We ask you to dedicate yourself to the World and to the labours of Charvering.
We ask you to impurify yourselves as guaranteed non-Virgins, and to submit yourselves from now to whatever Sex Novenas the Sisters are busy on.
Your body is now the Temple of the Dingo, and the Betrothed of the Perpetual Organ. Yours to do with as you like. Your mind is your own.
Do you so dedicate yourselves?
Postulants: We do, with the help of the Sisters.
Mother: Sisters, I present to you - Postulant Sisters N & M
The Sisters lay hands on the Postulants.
Mother: We put you under the protection of the Order, the 'Bannus' as it was called of old. We ask you to wash your hands as is the old rite of nuns when once they were dedicated as virgins to the convent. We do it now as a sign of safer Charvering for the Gathered Faithful.
The Postulants wash their hands amidst much splashing of all others present
Mother proclaims the triple Sex Novena for Saint Derek of Dungeness.
The Nuns go out and get pissed